The Entrance of Womanhood

Will You Remain the Girl or Rise as a Woman?

A girl has many deaths.

But a woman only has one.

The death of the girl.

I hold her neck firm feeling her pulse underneath my hands. She used to kick and scream struggling under my boney fingers. But now she is quiet. A still body but her eyes watches me. When are you going to disappear?

The woman hopes for a metamorphosis but there is no change. The girl is simply torn to bite size pieces swallowed bit by bit. Now she lives inside of you.

In order for her to change she will need to build a time machine. Go back to her childhood, be a guiding spirit forsaking her present for a new beginning, a new timeline. But that isn’t possible. Instead the woman seeks to control herself.

A selfish girl becomes a selfish woman. Yet, she knows when and where to allow herself to descend into this madness. They preach discipline, the comfort of therapy, the release of religion. But what happens when you see yourself fully? Even if you’re the villainess in every ones story, even your own.

Do you have the courage?

Or will you fear your own reflection making distorted legends of your limiting beliefs. “I’m just a girl.” - I can’t make anything more of myself. I will stay here, afraid of devouring the incomplete version.

What are you scared of?

Surely, you’re not frightened by blood. Girls and women are quite familiar with the metallic odour of rebirth.

At the entrance of my womanhood I’ve chosen the pursuit of knowledge. I’ve chosen to hold my power in silence. I see myself, the villainess that I am. I acknowledge my faults and don’t rush to overcome them. But I can seek for mastery, for leniency, and for deliverance.

Write everything you hate about yourself. Be cruel, be genuine, and be ready for the heavy toll it will take. Sit with it for days, weeks, months. Will you stay the girl? Will you tear apart this list, letting the wounds fester. If yes, stop reading here. Good luck.

The shift into womanhood is a long process. As I sit at the entrance I look at my failures. Why can’t I stick with this or that. When will I learn to truly shut up. Why don’t I have the desire to connect and build relations with the people around me.

I am empty. I have nothing to give, I don’t have the experience, and I haven’t found the correct expression for myself. I need to fill myself up and I have chosen the pursuit of knowledge.

I can’t tell you what to do with that list. One day you’ll know, one day you’ll lack the courage, and one day you won’t give a fuck. Going back to your innate choice of devouring the girl.

Wiseman: For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered will never know. - Sucker Punch (2011)